falloutyoungmale:

I write sins not five page research papers

sadtoasteroven:

whenever I get sad, I just think about dan from florida

thanks, dan

jpierrepontcriss:

my mom was pulling into a parking space today and she asked “am i relatively straight?” and i said “i think that’s something you need to decide for yourself” and she told me to walk home

songofastark:

Ugh, I hate it when people say “Fuck the police”.

Don’t just fuck the police. 

Take the police out on a couple dates. Take the police to the movies or a nice stroll in the park. Feed the police some delicious fondue. Make the police fall in love with you. Then, fuck the police. And then out of nowhere, stop taking calls from the police. Ignore the police. Make the police miss you. Make the police cry.